il papa's pontifications

Now its time for the weekly dishing out of papal pain:

1. Marvin Harrison - The only equivalent I could think of after this story, is if Elmo robbed the Savings and Loan. You thought he was warm, fuzzy, and nice, but then he surprises you. Marvin Harrison has been a silent team player, on top of being an all star WR for 12 years. Never a bad word with the media, never celebrating or showboating. But now his Belgian gun is involved with a shooting? (Belgians make something besides waffles and Tony Parker?) After a fight at his nightclub, the shooting occured at Marvin Harrison's Car Wash no less (if I was an NFL player, why would I buy a f_cking car wash?).
I hope to hear a conclusion to this case soon, as Im getting tired of it.

2. Roger Clemens apology - What are you sorry for Roger? This guy wants to be forgiven and no longer be on the front page of the paper, yet he admits and offers up nothing in return. Lets re-write the apology, as Roger's publicist should have:

"I want to apologize to everyone for everything I have done. I want your forgiveness, and to be left alone. In return for forgiving me and leaving me alone, I will list my transgressions: I hooked up with a teenager, took HGH, dabbled in steriods, game my wife HGH, hooked up with John Daly's wife, and then lied about it all to you and the government. Ok, we cool now?"

Hooking up with John Daly's wife? Off topic, but man what an upgrade for her. Mindy Mccready is looking slightly ragged nowadays, but Im sure her music career will soon be revived with all the attention "the rocket" is getting her. I could insert a joke here about "Guys do it all the time" but I will pass.

3. PETA - I dont even know where to start with these a$$ clowns. They are uninformed, attention seeking liberals that stand for anti-almost anything involving animals, not something positive for animals (like the Humane Society). After the tragic death of 2nd place finisher Eight Belles in the Kentucky Derby this past Saturday, they are calling for the suspension of the jockey, trainer, and probably anyone who paid a ticket for admission to the Derby. If this would have been a regular weekend race, not televised, would PETA have come out so publicly? Nope. PETA sees publicity in this situation; and not unlike that beauty pageant girl in 7th grade that everyone hated, they come running to the attention as if their life depended on it. PETA attacks horse racing for what the harm it does to horses, yet they ignore the stats: 1.5 horses die for every 1000 raceshorses that compete. This is not dog fighting people. Chill out. Most trainers and jockeys treat their horses very well. Think about it - you run and train most of the day, and then people bring random horses a few times a week to your stable so that you can "stud". Where can I sign up?

The Pope has a new acronym for PETA to help them chill out:

Papal Edicts Towards A$$clowns

Ok that's kind of stupid, but whatever, its a slow Tuesday.